crackhore.com – Putting the pee back in creepy.™

i’ve got something going on in my personal life which pretty much defies anything i’ve ever done. playing for keeps as usual. only time will tell on these sorts of things and i’m really wondering what even what i need in a woman. i mean really, when you reach this age you start to realize it’s not them, it’s you. oh well, spin the wheel.

well, i kinda stopped drinking today. except for the vodka. and the beer when i woke up.

my depression levels have reached a new low. i keep thinking about what 2009 has been and am just wondering if this is just going to be it.

moving in with kelly was obviously a dumb fucking move. i mean seriously. when you’re not longer attracted to someone it’s pretty sure it’s time to, you know, stop dating them. im sure all young men learn these lessons about dating older women, etc but i’m a little ashamed of myself. dumb fucking move.

i get back out on my own and fall for michelle all over again. i got a week out of that one.

right after that i fall for tiffany. always a great idea to try to date a work person but then throw in the fact that she really doesn’t want anything to do with me emotionally is the real heart breaker. i guess i’m not used to that, just being used for certain aspects. i bring it on myself, yea i know. it was never meant to be but it’d be pretty fucking nice to meet someone who actually cared for me.

oh well. i’m starting to realize that you hit a point in your life after having your heart crushed and being loved by all the wrong people that you realize the hopelessness of it all.

i hope to be everyone’s dark corner of their mind. i say all the depressing shit you dont want to admit to yourself. unless you have a husband, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend that loves you. then i just sound bitter.

oh yeah, ash wednesday, no more drinking tomorrow…except at lynn’s party. drinking then, but not before. well maybe a beer in the morning if my chest hurts again. but definitely no more after that…until the party. goddamn it.

this was my second year to roll with my krewe. last year i really didn’t know what i was getting myself into, still had a great time.

this year i knew what was coming. the story really probably starts saturday morning. bill picks me up at 7am. i’ve been up since 5:30 for some reason, finishing the beer from the night before and getting really high. i jump in the truck and he’s got his friend and a some kids, probably 15-17ish. I’m totally completely spun and talking all kinds of nonsense about everything. Everyone loves me.

We get out to where the floats are stored. After buying wild turkey and beer for the float at some shady gas station near the 9th ward. So we get there and start loading the floats and drinking beer. There was a great moment where one of the guys in the krewe looked over and saw me sitting on the sidewalk eating a doughnut and drinking a beer at 8am. I wish i could remember people’s names because it was beautiful.

we meet up with the rest of the people at laffite’s blacksmith bar. things start getting really weird here…beer beer beer, good times and we make our way to uptown. there was a cab involved. bill’s daughters and daughter’s friends are extremely young and extremely hot. i was in no shape or position to talk to them and i stole a washcloth off a house keeper’s cart. i hope bill doesn’t get invoiced for that

so when i leave bill and his family i’m totally left to my own devices. i’m not that far from home so i start hiking it. as i was walking i noticed a huge 5th of skyy vodka just sitting by itself on a table. and honestly i feel bad about this and something bad is going to happen to me but i fucking grabbed it and kept going. i really feel bad about it and need to do something to make up for it. i might go just give it to a random stranger on st charles today.

anyway im sprinting up carondolet with my stolen bottle of vodka and call sek. it’s like when you do something that bad ass you gotta follow it up with talking to sek. he was proud of me. i think, i don’t really remember anything said.

i slept on the floor for a while and let my neighbor’s friends use my bathroom. i had my gun on me and im not sure if they saw it. i’m fucking paranoid okay?

my alarm goes off and i jump out of bed, fill my flask and run out the door. i think i might have brushed my teeth too. im out the door and realize that the flask is leaking and i now have a huge puddle of vodka on my pants, jacket and hoody. the show must go on.

i miss the bus. i get a cab. nothing can stop me now.

i get there and im standing at the elevator. a guy named mike who is obviously going to the 6th floor for the krewe(based on the cooler of booze). he asks me how late i was out and i laugh and say “i was drinking at home by myself at the computer, we real alcoholics don’t go out”.

the room is full of food, mixers and a 3 piece band playing new orleans music. i choke down a sandwich. hungover isn’t probably the right word cuz i was still very drunk but my entire body just hurt. i could feel my brain. the world was rotating really slowly and i could feel it.i get a few cups of coffee in me and try to shake off the dread of depression.

i could write a fucking web site around tiffany what this whole experience has been like but im just going to leave it at we’re both at different places in our life or something of that nature. but it’s fucking mardi gras. cheer your ass up. i get the costume on, put on my little hat and start dancing in front of the band. i’m in like 20 different photos. some guy with a video camera got me too. i made a hotel staff member very uncomfortable as i danced extremely close to her.

i sit back down at our table and talk to the other riders. we have like 5 really hot women on our float, one of them a former cowboys cheerleader. one of them, named kelly(yeah heh) strikes up conversation with me, asking why im so hungover, etc. i tell her a abridged version of what my life is like women wise and she tells me i’m great and have everything to offer a woman, etc. of course she’s engaged so it’s fucking easy for her to say all this.

bill brings out a bottle of champagne. it’s the bottle that tiffany and i brought to the party 2 months ago. perfect.

finally it’s time to leave. we take the service elevator downstairs. i’m screaming WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN along with my new best friend who’s name i can’t remember. he made jello shots. really wish i could remember names. anyway, we get out of the elevator and stroll through the lobby still singing, onto the bus.

i open the bottle of champagne and start drinking it from the bottle. i pass it around, we sing along to the awesome classic rock the bus driver puts on and we head out. police escort, bus ride, off the bus. i carry the jellow shots, half empty bottle of champagne. more singing while we walk to the floats.

to try to sum up the ride experience with stupid faggot words is just impossible. pictures don’t do it either. the weather was perfect, a parade already rolled before us so the crowds were out.  it’s just impossible to describe it.

after this i’m totally just gone. champagne, wild turkey, beer…still drunk on stolen vodka from the night before. i guess i came home. i fell asleep on the floor for a while and then walked to new york pizza and ate the best piece of pizza ever. hit up the other 2 bars and just watch the madness. back home. tiffany calls me last night and we talk for a long time.

i wake up and realize i need beer soon. i ride to rite aide, get eggs, dog food and a case of natural light. american pie is blaring over the loudspeakers which means i need to start singing along to it at the top of my lungs. the cashier is trying to ignore me as i yell along, BYE BYE MISSSS AMERICA PIEEEE swiping my saints visa card. and if the singing is hard to ignore, the dancing is just making it worse. people are backing away from the register to give me my space. out the door, home. win.

i used to love this site more then life itself and now it almost seems like a chore to update it….it honestly has been a long time since ive really updated this with anything of substance worth reading.

as mardi gras ascends on the city again, just as every holiday, i look back on everything that has happened over the last year. all of the miserable failed relationships, lost friends and just plain miserable existence. ive been very tempted to just sell everything again and go completely mobile and just leave new orleans. i’ve really been wondering what the end goal of just waking up everyday has really been.

to talk about my current relationship here would probably doom it it so i’m not going to even go there. i think i’ve gotten a a very healthy look at relationships and women again. it’s almost gotten to the point of just a zero sum. when you stomp into your 30’s the reality of never ending solitude seems to really set in.

not all mammals are meant to mate for life.

it’s really sad how great i used to feel…how great i used to be. now i’m just old, bored and pointless.

just like this update haha

my good friend boar sends me links to easynews porn pretty frequently. just what people do who work from home, we look at porn. and listen to pandora.

anyway, he sends me a link to a movie by the realitykings.com, called money talks. basically coming up to people with a video camera, a hot chick and a microphone and bribing people to do fucked up things. including like just straight up normal selling yourself for money.

i personally wouldn’t go anywhere with some chick, a microphone and and a camera. that sounds like a great way to get robbed but that’s the way i think.

so im watching them now convince people to come with her and listen to a song, on a mp3 player, that’s shoved in some girl’s ass. so they get 1 black dude and then a little white girl. so of course they have thriller on the ipod when they give it to the black guy(not sure how they change the tracks or if it’s on random). he’s singing along while the girl just kinda sits there crouched on a chair. this is all in like a alleyway too.

the girl then stands up and starts dancing with him while he still has the earbuds in.  then it shows her dancing with the earbuds in.

the white girl they actually get to take her top off and dance with the chick while listening to the music.

i think what fucks with me is that this occurred in time. this was real. what the fuck, seriously.

what’s kinda fucked up is they actually show the money trade hands after the sex. that just seems like a terrible idea…i’m taking this way too seriously, i think i’ll play some quake.

so you can probably tell i have too much time on my hands and have been using the internet to relieve that.

i’m friends with lots of corporations on facebook like popeyes, carlo rossi, new orleans saints, etc. all of these places have a facebook admin that nukes comments like mine.

it started with wine searcher posting something about food pairing with wine. i asked which wine they recommend for popeyes fried chicken. this hijacks the whole thread and slams it into the side of a cliff.

carlo rossi posted a generic thanksgiving post which i respond with a paragraph about how i woke up naked in my backyard because of carlo rossi.

the carlo rossi admin sees this and the way i picture it is some guy with a iphone seeing it, going OH HELL NO and killing my comment. for some reason this really pisses me off.

probably because i need more hobbies.

now im posting on their facebook wall about how i almost bought some of their wine today but i didn’t because of the nazi tactics of their facebook admin.

im probably gonna get a cease and desist from them monday which i will then promptly update my facebook with my outrage.

welp another thanksgiving rolls around. stayed in new orleans for a few reasons which sucks because michelle is in memphis. we’ve talked a few times how weird it is that she’s never met my parents since i seem to introduce most every female in my life to my parents(to prove im not gay).

i’m not sure if it was her idea or mine but she wanted to stop by my parents house and meet them. i mean if she’s moving in with me it’s probably good for her to you know, meet the first people i ever lived with.

she just called while on her way there telling me to thank her. i do. so right now while i listen to marilyn manson tainted love and drink my beaujolais, my girlfriend michelle is hanging out with my parents without me. which is a little strange. i hope they don’t talk about me

probably about a hour from now, the baby pictures will come out.

i’m really glad she’s getting to meet them…i’m a lot like my dad or at least i try to be. i just hope they behave.

anyway, as soon as i get off the phone with michelle giving her last minute directions, i call my parents. my mom answers and we talk for a minute, then she goes “oh she’s here…oh wow she’s cute”.

i say “well of course!” which almost turns into “i can date a cute girl, shutup mom”….so right now they are hanging out. definitely says something about her that she’s willing to do that. the farthest i’ve been able to go is msging her mom on facebook letting her know she can call me if she wants to know who i am, how i got to where i am, etc….

i still love that her parents have been introduced to me via facebook. my facebook comments are pretty much a sanitized version of crackhore so her im surprised they didn’t chain her to a radiator when they saw my pic and comments.

she’ll be here saturday…i need to finish cleaning up the apartment before she gets here…right now…

balance exists.

as many of you know…i printed out i think 10 pictures of myself, signed them, framed then and have been handing them out to people.

most of my good friends have one and if you are a good friend and haven’t gotten one then you’ll probably get one soon(gotta reorder soon)

anyway, i gave nick and allie one and it’s proudly hanging up in the apartment.  one afternoon they introduced me to a good friend and neighbor named molly. really cool, we sat and drank with her for a while and then we went about our way.

molly’s birthday comes around and it’s the night of kmfdm so i doubt i’ll be able to make it since i plan on sneaking alcohol into the house of blues. in my stomach. which worked.

long story short, i had planned give molly one of my autographed photos in person but instead nick and allie give it to her and say “toad couldn’t make it but he sent this autographed picture for you”

now it’s hanging up in her place.

so awesome.

web design rock star jesus.  saving sites and doing it with style.

i need to get some more printed.

i was thinking earlier as i opened my box of hawaiian shirts that finally got here today.

things really worked out for a change. usually my life consists of failure. lots of it. in work, in relationships, pretty much everything.

i wish i could go back in time and tell myself “it’s going to work out”. i remember sitting in the apartment, drinking makers mark next to the loaded gun. thinking about how im going to have to find a new place to live, pack all my shit, pay movers, unpack, resetup the office so i can attempt to make money.

i move so fucking frequently that im really good at it. i ended wandering in a bar i frequent and a friend looked at me and was like “dude whats going on”.

i explain my fucked situation, he calls a realtor he used to date(this is at like 10:30 on a wednesday), she calls me, i ask if i can see the apartment tomorrow, she says sure.

i walk in, sign a lease, give her a check and get my friends to help me pack and move. i resetup the office in a fairly decent little apartment. It looks exactly like every apartment i’ve lived in, setup exactly the same.

I know it’s the same exact life i had in my early 20’s. same clothes, slightly different job, same exact personality, same work ethics…except dylan builds the sites and i go to rotary club…which is a little out of character….which is why i love it.

imma join the free masons soon too.

anyway, strayed off topic there.

something about that trip to memphis. getting the TN license, the high school reunion, and most importantly, michelle.

i mean i should really save this update until after she gets here but it went from “it would be great” to “that’s the plan”.

my friends and family reaction has been mixed to say the least. my new orleans friends are afraid of a repeat of kelly. my memphis friends are mostly supportive, the mutual friends we have are extremely pleased.

i’ve never really been big into other people’s opinions anyway. especially when it comes to things like this.

i still can’t believe how i went from a completely fucked situation to having the woman of my dreams moving down here.

let this be a lesson to my younger readers(if anyone even comes to this site anymore). shit can be totally fucked, i mean just completely bad. planets move and things can work out.

good friends help a lot. nick and alexandra have been crucial the last few months. literally would come by the house daily to check up on me.

anyway, shit is going to be great very very soon and everyone who helped get me where i am today, thanks.